A Personal Reflection:

recall the first year I attempted university. The love and abounding joy I found in learning, one that led me along a lifetime of studious endeavours, was supported by the backbone of an innate interest in knowledge acquisition. It came so naturally. Though, before I could situate myself comfortably in a long forthcoming journey of post-secondary school, the COVID pandemic hit. And I don’t intend to hide my mental realities behind a period of macro strife in history, but the coincidence in timing is all-too-tempting. 

I cannot pinpoint the state of mind and feeling that encapsulated me during those days, nor do I want to allude to the possibility that it occurred to me, beyond my own control. I just know it was inner solitary whilst physically liberated. In other words, though my body was fortunate with a humbling amount of freedom to enjoy - my mind and soul were trapped. 

I don’t know if I could say that I didn’t see it coming. Along the length of my life I struggled with various forms of mental challenges, including anxiety and a self-diagnosis of OCD. Two terms I would muffle under my breath in shame until I realized, if viewed and utilized correctly, could provide a portal to freedom. Such concept I yet strive to grabble with - but it’s one I’m not giving up on until it gives me a reason to. 

I would see flares of these challenges interlude my daily life in waves. Whether at school or at home, I was silently fighting what appeared to me as the greatest antagonist of my life - my own mind. Beyond the discrete finger tapping, re-stepping, and repeated erasing of my work I knew lay a soul who carried far greater potential than what surfaced. I knew that I was succumbing to challenge as it came, instead of using magic to make it the stepping stone for greatness. Nonetheless, it would come and I just followed its lead. 

As the pandemic progressed, I felt tugs of yearning to visit the Baháʼí Holy Land - on Mount Carmel in Haifa, Israel. As I recall, I had nightly dreams of its awe-dropping landscape: the several terraces of flora sculpted to precision, along with its display of unity in diversity with endless variants of flowers smiling resplendently side by side. I would see the Sun and feel its warmth hitting my skin. I nearly remember turning my face upwards in its direction to embrace the sting of its incredible heat, with utmost bliss. How deeply I wanted to go, but due to the pandemic’s lockdown, couldn’t. 

One particular eve a sight illumined the pangs of my heart with magnitude like no other. I saw ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, a Holy Figure known to Baháʼís as the Perfect Example and Teacher of the Baháʼí Faith, climbing the streets of Mount Carmel. It was an animation of a black-and-white photograph I deeply treasure¹, one where ‘Abdu’l-Bahá is walking upwards, past His residence, towards the top of the mountain where the Baháʼí Shrine of the Bab is erected. In the foreground of such photo exists several young children holding treats He gifted them as a token of His exceeding loving-kindness. Within my dream, however, I saw His beloved presence walking forward. He then came to a complete stop, looked backwards in my direction, followed with a glance at his feet, and then resumed His strides. That morning, I was convinced that no matter what it took, I needed to go. To follow in His footsteps, and visit the Baháʼí Holy Land in Haifa.

The following months I remember more clearly in emotion and song, as opposed to a film of photographed moments. I remember the tears, the music, the prayers, the questions, the confusion, and the feelings of helplessness. Parallel to my spiritual chaos was a changing body, an overwhelmed mind, and a falling health. Not wishing to dwell too deeply on the physical portrayal of those days, I will seamlessly fast forward to reveal that nearly two years later I received the bounty of travelling to the remarkable Baháʼí Shrines for a brief visit. The experience was all-too-surreal to describe, substantially so because the two-year journey there-to introduced me to a man who I best know as “an angel in disguise”. My best friend and companion in all God’s worlds. 

The stretch of this period unveiled a truth that ultimately prevails my everyday: the yearning to attain unto a place for peace. Visiting the Shrine and meeting my helpmate brought an incomparable soothing to the trembling and uneasiness of my spirit, one so great that words cannot suffice in its acknowledgement. Notwithstanding, during moments when the ground beneath me shakes I continue to find myself looking for an edifice for healing. A place that I can go to in order to finally be tranquil, a place I could take my body to just be free. 

Only now do I possess a glimpse of realization that my search for such a place is a fool’s errand. It doesn’t exist. I could spend my whole lifetime ‘going’, to merely find restlessness and distress in the end. 

For this, I propose the following: a restructuring of our conceptualization of peace and where remedy lies. Certainly physical ailments require physical treatments, however a holistic view of healing may be critical in attending to the innate trials that toil us. Noting its intricate interconnectedness, the mind, body, and soul function hand-in-hand. All three facets of our human existence require nurturing and supplementation should we wish to live on the equilibrium of material and spiritual fulfillment. 

If you empathize with my state of discombobulation, you may feel defeated in an endless searching of places to go. For this, I invite you on a visit with me to: the Inner Edifice. It is origin to the universe of existence we possess on a level of divine magnetic attraction and high energetic frequency. It is the realm of the soul; the realm which, I believe, persists beyond this temporal space. It is the Shrine of our spirits; calling us to prayer at dawn, mid-day, and eve through action, word, intention, reflection, and love. It is, what I consider, the Home of our souls. And it awaits us. It needs our mind, and our bodies ‘There’. It is the object of our quest and the aim of our tireless searching.

How to get there, however, is up to us. Beyond the practical and overt undertakings of a spiritually-centred lifestyle, is the orientation of our internal compass. Vital to partake in the ephemeral joys of the Inner Edifice is a deepened level of self-awareness - unmatched to a mere portrayal of spiritual integration in daily life. We must strive to attain a level of connection unaffected and unaltered by societal judgement; one all-to-great to be rightfully grasped by human perception. 

There is not much more I can share to describe the Inner Edifice itself, for it is an intimate destination offering a unique experience of journeying. Besides, if I could, then it wouldn’t justify its divine quality. For this, illumined reader, I can merely encourage you to take a visit There and see for yourself. 

I pray for you, with immense and out-pouring love! I pray that you may arrive at the Edifice of all-transcending joy and serenity. From this side of the mountain, I wave my hands in celebratory cheer as you trek along your path too - knowing that wherever you and I are, we will ultimately find each other again. The culmination of our inner searching must lead us to the same internal Edifice, for we are one. 

¹ [Electronic view of the photograph of Abdu’l-Bahá and the children as described above] https://media.bahai.org/detail/1445856/