amani e eshgham, 

It is almost impossible for me to accept the absence of your physical presence. Weren’t you just here holding my hand as I sang my heart to you? Wasn’t it the purity of your eyes that captivated my heart and throbbed it in yearning to just lay next to you? I miss you so much. I remember that one time I couldn’t contain my desire to circle around the sunshine you emitted, and so I crawled into bed beside you. You discretely shed tears in prayer to God that the liberation you thirsted for would be bestowed upon you. I saw as you struggled to endure further, though I selfishly pulled in the opposite direction as I knew I would struggle with this very pain. The void of your joyfulness and all-consuming love is so real. When I think of where I am without you, I feel doubtful in purpose and find myself searching for ‘home’ again. Home was, most sincerely, where you were. Your presence was the edifice of homecoming for all; I recall the outpouring felicity we would exude in anticipation of gathering around you and one another. The epitome of unity was right there and then - the contagious energies dissipated during visits to you. 

I mourn your loss, Mamani my angel, for I miss your warm and comforting hand to hold. I miss the glow of your countenance bringing incomparable contentment as I merely stood to mesmerize your smile in awe. However, for you, Mamani joonam, I feel all-abiding joy. For, how could I ever yearn for the inhibition of your soaring spirit and radiating rapture in a plane untouched by the rages of this temporal space? A plane where condition is unconditional and love is the purpose of all reality. A realm where unfathomable degrees of exultation give wings to fly limitlessly, and the only existent seas are unending currents from the ocean of Pure Love. In this token, my forever star, I accept tears of separation from you in turn for your forever bliss, your unceasing peace, and your beaming luminosity.

And on days where a renewed spirit enables me to turn inward and find you there, I can’t help but question the reason for my preceding sorrow - because you are light and life. You are as a “hallow reed”¹, and your lightness moves my body in dance and praise. I smile, I shed tears of joy, I feel ever-close; so close that my very limbs are stirred in celebration with you. 

For this, my eshgh and pulsating life, I will strive to spend my days reaching you and dancing to the weightless melody of your joyous composition. What an incredible bliss indeed! And all the more from the plane you presently inhabit. I am with you and rejoice with you, forevermore. 

تا روزی که قلبم هنوز می زنه

تا وقتی که جونی توی این تنه

تو روزای خوب تو روزای بد

² همیشه باهاتم قسم می خورم

Yours eternal, 

Your honoured granddaughter - Juliana

¹ [Reference to Baháʼí Writings stating “Hallow Reed” - see first paragraph] https://www.thebahaiprayers.com/subject/hollow-reed#:~:text=O%20God%2C%20make%20me%20a,behind%20me%20impatience%20and%20discontent.

² [Song by Hengameh titled “Ghasam Mikhoram”] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFDuEsmmusQ